Chapter 5.4: We Are Broken

Chapter 5.4 We Are Broken

A/N: Hello again and welcome to Track 4, We Are Broken by: Paramore. Listen and read ^_^

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I am outside
And I’ve been waiting for the sun
With my wide eyes
I’ve seen worlds that don’t belong

I woke up slowly, feeling somewhat sore and still incredibly tired. It must have been rather early, but not so early that the sun wasn’t out. I rubbed my eyes, wincing as I heard Oliver groan softly from beside me. I hadn’t meant to wake him.

“Good morning, beautiful,” he mumbled, pulling me against his chest. I couldn’t help but laugh lightly. Only half-asleep would he call me that. He kissed my shoulder softly, and it was then that I remembered I was still completely naked. I blushed deeply, wanting to grab my PJs where they’d been cast aside carelessly last night, but Oliver’s grip on me was firm. “What time is it?” I heard him yawn. I glanced at the clock on his bedside table.

“7:40,” I said with a groan. I was fully prepared at that moment to give in to Oliver’s embrace when all of a sudden he threw the covers off of us and hopped out of bed. I yelped as the cold air hit me, my face simply burning as I scrambled to grab the blankets again and cover myself up.

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“What in the world!?” I cried, watching as Oliver hastily went through his drawers. He retrieved a pair of boxers and I about died as I caught him putting them on with a slight bit of difficulty given his current, erm, state. Not that I blamed him. We’d been lying in bed naked…and we did make love for the first time last night…and didn’t males often wake up like that? Oh gosh if my face got any hotter I was going to combust.

“I have class at 8,” he explained, hopping into a pair of jeans and buttoning them at his waist.

“Oh,” I said, feeling rather crestfallen. “Couldn’t…couldn’t you miss it, just this once?” I asked hopefully, looking up at him. I jutted my bottom lip out a bit for added effect, but wondered if I should have ripped the covers off myself and said ‘take me’ instead when Oliver let out a sigh and shook his head.

“I’d love to, seriously, but there’s a quiz today.”

“Oh,” I said again, and this time felt very sad. I could feel my eyes welling up already. Gods I was pathetic. Shirt and shoes on, Oliver grabbed his glasses and then his toothbrush and toothpaste from off of his dresser, leaving the room for a moment to go brush his teeth. I bit my thumbnail for a moment and then finally got out of bed, hastily retrieving my garments from the ground and putting them back on.

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I was just smoothing out my hair when Oliver came back in, tossing his toothbrush and toothpaste tube onto the dresser. He came over to me and kissed me quickly on the forehead.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’ll text you, I promise….I love you.” He gazed at me one last time, looking for a moment regretful, but then grabbed his backpack and raced out of the room. One of the zippers had still been open.

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I bit my lip, understanding completely, but still a tiny voice inside my head couldn’t help but mutter, “There he goes, pushing you out of his life again. Your little ‘plan’ didn’t work after all.”

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I felt awkward being in Oliver’s room without him, not to mention wide awake despite the late night, so I left soon after he did. I didn’t want anyone to see me, so I peeked my head out of Oliver’s room first, making sure the coast was clear before I scurried back downstairs.

When I got into my room it was to see that Hannah was actually out, which was surprising, given the hour. Part of me wanted to take advantage of the solitude and just curl up in bed and cry, but the other part of me kept reminding me that that was stupid, so instead I grabbed my shower supplies and sauntered into the bathroom.

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My mouth is dry with words I cannot verbalize
Tell me why we live like this

It turned out the crying part of me was stronger, in the end. I completely broke down in the shower, a cry escaping my lips halfway through shampooing my hair. I tried to fight through it, but eventually I just ended up sliding to the ground, whining and crying like a complete idiot. I wasn’t even sure why I was crying—all I knew was that Oliver wasn’t here with me right now when I wanted him to be and that I couldn’t stop. Gods is this what having sex did to you, or was this something else entirely?

Well, he is always leaving, my mind reminded me. I pressed my forehead to my knees, another sob escaping me. What if I truly was losing him?

I realized vaguely that the dormitory showers were disgusting and that I should really get up, but I couldn’t bring myself to.

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Occasionally, another girl entered the bathroom. I could hear the clatter of their hairbrushes or their makeup bags and their hurried footsteps as they rushed right back out the door, feeling awkward about the wretched cries coming from the shower.

None of them thought to investigate though—perhaps because they didn’t care, or perhaps, interestingly, because they understood.

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I don’t know why, but I eventually did get up, scrubbing my body pink as I tried to rid myself of every nasty thought and feeling that had sunk its teeth into my flesh. After all, I was being ridiculous. I was not losing him. Schoolwork came first and I was fairly certain that Oliver would have stayed with me if he could have.

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I moved automatically, until I finally found myself sitting on my bed, freshly made up and dressed as if the events of the last 24 hours had never happened. I felt numb, my eyes staring blankly at nothing. Everything was just fine. I needed to stop panicking.

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I jumped when the door opened, turning my head sharply to see Hannah walk in, looking annoyed. How long had I been sitting here anyway?

“Fuckin’ research paper,” she growled, taking off her backpack and throwing it onto the ground. “I swear I spent like two hours looking shit up and that is literally all I found—shit.”

I continued looking at my friend with bleary eyes, my only thought that she really didn’t know the meaning of ‘literally’. The observation made me think of Oliver and my heart twisted within my chest. I missed him so much already. I chewed on my thumbnail, staring again.

“I’m gonna shower,” she mumbled, grabbing her stuff. “I hope that girl is gone.”

“What girl?” I asked lamely, forcing my attention back to her.

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“You don’t know?” she asked, raising an eyebrow at me. “Some girl was like, sobbing in the showers forever. Couldn’t even take a piss without hearing her wailing. It was really fuckin’ awkward.”

“Oh,” I said, feeling my stomach churning. So apparently Hannah had been around at some point this morning. “Well, I was just in there and didn’t hear anything.”

Hannah stayed quiet for so long that I looked up at her again curiously, only to find that she was staring at me with an incredibly suspicious look on her face. “Where were you last night anyway?” she asked, her eyes narrowed.

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“Erm…with Oliver,” I answered truthfully, glancing away from her. I ran a hand anxiously through my hair, hoping the answer would suffice.

Hannah looked at me for a long moment and then raised her eyebrow. “Aren’t you going to get that?” she asked.

“Get what?” I asked stupidly.

“Your phone…you just got a text,” Hannah answered. Now she was really suspicious—ever since what happened at home I never waited more than a second before checking any received texts. I felt my cheeks get hot as I grabbed my phone and glanced down at the screen to read.

Oliver Text

I couldn’t help but laugh a little when I read Oliver’s text, but almost as soon as I did, I found myself crying all over again.

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Keep me safe inside
Your arms like towers
Tower over me

I felt the bed give way beside me and suddenly Hannah’s arm was wrapped around my waist, drawing me toward her. Her face was pulled into a look of concern.

“I had a bad feeling it’d been you. Damn,” she said with a quiet sigh. “Okay then—tell me everything.”

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I wasn’t going to, but I felt like a tightly wound ball of emotion, so I finally just spilled everything while Hannah passed me tissues, remaining remarkably silent as she listened. Once I finished she was quiet for a long time, one arm still around my waist as she gazed at the floor.

“I just have one question,” she said finally, and her brows were furrowed in thought.

“What?” I asked. My voice was hoarse now from both sobbing and speaking for so long.

“Well…what exactly is the problem here?” she asked, her eyebrow arched.

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Yeah
‘Cause we are broken
What must we do to restore our innocence
And oh, the promise we adored
Give us life again
‘Cause we just wanna be whole

I sighed in frustration. How could she not seeing what was going on? “I feel like I’m losing him!” I blurted out. “Even after everything. It makes me regret it all so badly,” I admitted. I could feel my eyes begin to burn once again.

“You are a dumbass,” Hannah scoffed, startling me. “That boy is stupidly crazy about you. Like, I mean pathetically head over heels. I’ve never seen a guy moon over a girl like he does,” she stated, the words coming out with a touch of bitterness

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“But…he’s never around,” I said, though I wanted desperately to believe her words.

“Cuz he’s a fuckin’ nerd that’s why,” she explained with a roll of her eyes.

“Don’t be rude,” I said softly, looking away from her.

“How’s it rude if it’s a fact? The man would marry a library if it had a vagina!”

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I flushed and got up in annoyance, grabbing my backpack and then heading toward the door. There was absolutely no reason I needed to sit here and listen to my friend disrespect a boy who I happened to love.

“Aw, don’t be like that. We should be practicing anyway! Our first performance at The Grotto went well, but the big leagues are coming up—Talent Night!”

I ignored her, reaching out to twist open the doorknob. She was the one who needed the practice. I knew my parts perfectly fine.

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Hannah scoffed once it became apparent that I was still intent on leaving, shouting after me, “What, you spread your legs for the guy and now suddenly you don’t like me talking bad about him?!”

My mouth dropped open and I turned, looking at Hannah in shock. “Excuse me? I’ve never liked the way you treat Oliver, and I swear I’m beginning to dislike the way you’re treating me right now too!”

“Oh, don’t get your panties all in a twist. Jeez. Here I thought getting laid might loosen you up, but you’ve still got that fuckin’ ‘holier than thou’ aura emanating out your ass.”

“What are you even talking about?” I asked. I felt genuinely confused. What had gotten into her? Just a minute ago she’d been all sweet and comforting, and now she was being….well, definitely not those things.

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“Nothing,” Hannah said with a huge roll of her eyes. “Just go away and cry or fuck your boyfriend or whatever.”

I opened my mouth to say something particularly nasty back, but then closed it, letting out a frustrated shout instead and walking right out. It was childish, yes, but it would have been more childish to have said the words that actually popped into my mind.

Hannah had problems there was no doubt about that and I wasn’t going to be her shrink. Not after how rude she’d been.

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Lock the doors
Cause I’d like to capture this voice
That came to me tonight
So everyone will have a choice
And under red lights
I’ll show myself it wasn’t forged
We’re at war
We live like this

I ended up at the gym. I didn’t have classes until 4 PM on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays and I’d already finished all of my homework, so what else was I going to do? In addition I just felt so angry that I knew I would have to get rid of all this excess energy somehow, and burning it off at the gym seemed to be the way to go.

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I found most of the gym equipment incredibly boring, so instead, I situated myself in one of the studios upstairs where I just danced. I was a bit rusty, I had to admit. Although I’d been a fairly avid dancer as a kid, I got more and more into creating music than moving to music as I grew older. Still, I couldn’t deny that it felt good to work the old muscles.

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“Ah, so you dance too? Mick will like that.”

I jumped, tripping over my feet and nearly face-planting into the ground. “Who’s Mick?” I asked once I’d righted myself, but what I should have asked was, ‘who are you’?

“Uh, really? Mick…as in Michael ‘Mick’ Valencia?” he responded, looking incredulous at the possibility that someone could ever not recognize that name.

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I let out a small gasp. Of course I did recognize that name. Michael Valencia was only the owner of the largest and most successful record company in all of Starlight Shores. Pretty much everyone he picked up made it big, making his the record company that anyone who even had a smidgen of a dream of becoming a world-famous artist the one to be a part of.

“Yeah…I figured you’d heard of him,” the young man continued, scratching his head. “He’s always at The Grotto’s Talent Nights. Well…maybe not him exactly,” he admitted, “but he always sends a rep. Just in case, you know? Mick likes to be kept aware of talent…and you, Joanne, are talented.”

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“You think so?” I couldn’t help but ask.

“I know so,” the young man said with a slow smile.

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“Wait-who are you anyway?” I finally asked, taking a step back as I came to my senses. I was beginning to feel a little creeped out. How was it that he seemed to know exactly who I was, but I couldn’t even remember having ever seen his face before?

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“Sorry. Name’s Tom,” he said, holding out a hand toward me. I took it suspiciously, giving him a brief handshake. “I work at The Grotto,” he continued, “so I’ve seen you perform there sometimes with that other chick…Hayley?”

“Hannah,” I corrected. I felt a little miffed, however, at the very thought of her.

“Eh, whatever,” he shrugged. “She’s whatever. But you…you’re good. Maybe good enough, actually.”

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I averted my gaze. “Good enough for what, exactly?” I questioned, still feeling uneasy. Even with his explanation, I couldn’t help but feel overly exposed what with that complete stranger seeming to know far too much about me.

“A deal,” he said seriously. Tom paused then, looking at me for a long moment before he seemed to make up his mind about something. “Look,” he began, looking a bit uncomfortable, “I’m really not supposed to play favorites or anything, but let me tell you—if you really want this, make sure you make yourself noticed.

“Noticed…?”

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“At the Talent Night. Do whatever it takes to get you noticed,” he said pointedly, his eyes wide. Was he implying….? “Anyway, I’ll find another room. See you around,” he said.

“See you…” I said quietly, but before I’d even finished the words he’d disappeared just as quickly as he’d shown up.

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Well, that was strange, that was for certain, but I couldn’t help but feel a little excited at what the young man…er, Tom had said.

If it was true and Michael Valencia really was going to be there, or at least his rep….I smiled to myself. Oh I would definitely ensure that I was noticed….

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Oliver Text 2

Keep me safe inside
Your arms like towers
Tower over me

Avoiding me, AGAIN? I read the text once more in frustration, cursing the fact that I’d already showered and gotten dressed for the second time that day in preparation for the dinner that was now canceled.

I took a breath though, trying to relax. After all, he wasn’t completely avoiding me; he was just postponing our meeting until later tonight.

I bit my thumbnail, feeling suddenly uneasy. Meet up late, like yesterday? Did that mean that he would also want to repeat the events of last night? Would that be the expectation now that we’d finally taken that step? I paced in the common area, thinking hard.

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I doubted that Oliver would ever see it as an expectation. After all, he’d never pushed me in the past to do anything I didn’t want, so why would he begin to do so now? Even if he did though, would it really be so bad to repeat last nights, er, ventures. No, not really. It had been kind of…nice. I blushed, avoiding the puzzled gaze of a girl who had just walked into the room only to find me pacing madly.

She continued to stare at me though, so finally I just left, heading back up the stairs to my room. It really wouldn’t be that bad…I just, didn’t want our relationship to suddenly be based off of something so, well, that.

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It turns out that I worried for ages over nothing though because when Oliver finally got home that night (at 11 by the way, and not 10), he brought me upstairs, changed into his PJs, and promptly fell asleep right in the middle of me talking to him.

Part of me understood, of course, and even felt bad that he was so tired, but the other part of me, did not, and I suppose that was why I eventually fell asleep that night on a damp pillow.

Time after time, Oliver slipped out of my grasp. It was all so ridiculous…but I had no idea how to stop it.

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‘Cause we are broken
What must we do to restore
Our innocence
And oh, the promise we adored
Give us life again
‘Cause we just wanna be whole

“Why are you avoiding me?!” I shouted one afternoon, weeks later. Weeks in which I barely ever saw him. Weeks in which having a bowl of cereal together was considered ‘quality time’. It was all driving me so insane!

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Oliver jumped in place, looking startled to see me…or perhaps just startled because I had ambushed him after class out of nowhere. Other students exiting his class gave us questioning or alarmed looks, some even snickering when they saw the look on Oliver’s face, but I didn’t care. All I cared about was Oliver, who was rushing up to me after I’d broken down into sobs, my hands covering my face in shame. I was acting like a mad woman, but I just couldn’t do this anymore—this constant touch and go. I couldn’t take it.

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“Hey.…” Oliver started softly, putting his arm around my back. “Come on…let’s go somewhere else,” he said quietly. I nodded a bit, feeling dazed as Oliver led me around the side of the building, where there were far fewer eyes to judge and stare at us. “Now what’s this about?” he asked, looking at me with a concerned expression on his face.

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I looked up at him, at a loss for words for a moment. I had expected him to look angry for ambushing him like a crazy person, but instead he just looked truly worried. How could this boy be so caring, and yet also continuously abandon me at every available moment?

“You’re always leaving me,” I whispered, staring up at him in despair. I felt so stupid, but I couldn’t stop any of this. I just didn’t understand.

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“What?” Oliver asked quietly, confusion in his eyes. “What do you mean?”

“I mean—you’re never around,” I said, wringing my hands. “It’s like…it’s like you’re avoiding me or something.” I looked away, tears filling my eyes again. Yes, I really was an idiot of a girl.

“Jo…I’ve been busy,” he said.

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“I know,” I mumbled, staring down at my shoes. “You’re always busy.”

Oliver sighed. The sound made me nervous, so I glanced up at him, only to find that he was looking away from me. His eyes were unfocused as he stared at something far, far away from this place. “I know,” he finally said softly.

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Tower over me
Tower over me

And I’ll take the truth at any cost

I just stared at him, hardly daring to speak. My mouth felt dry and my limbs felt heavy, trapping me in place.

“It’s just….” His eyebrows furrowed and he pressed his lips together before speaking once again, “I think of us a lot, Jo. I think of us, in the future, and I want to give you everything that you could ever possibly want. I want to give you a life worth having…and I know that can’t happen unless I succeed here. Unless I, you know, get a good job or whatever. I…I want you, and…and our kids someday, to have everything, so I’ve been trying to study really hard…do really well.” He took a deep breath, turning his gaze onto me now. Never had his blue eyes felt so piercing. “Is that stupid?” he finished, sounding uncharacteristically unsure.

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“Um, no,” I squeaked, but was suddenly aware of my heart beating hard. Us, in the future? Children? It wasn’t that the ideas were abhorrent exactly, but they were also ideas that I had never even begun to consider at this point in my life, and here Oliver had clearly been planning out his entire future based on them. The revelation frightened me. My thoughts concerning the future didn’t even come remotely close to his.

“I’m sorry if I’ve taken it all too far,” Oliver said then, startling me out of my thoughts. “You’re right…I’m really not around much.” He sighed, looking so extremely sorry that I regretted having said anything in the first place. …or perhaps I simply regretted saying anything because of what I’d just learned.

“It’s fine,” I found myself saying absently. My heart had not calmed.

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Oliver shook his head, smiling sadly. “It’s really not,” he said, sounding pained. “I’ll do better. After all, if I work this hard and lose you in the process, it’ll all have been pointless, right?” He laughed a little, but there was no humor in the sound.

“No, of course not. You’d still be a success. You’ll be some famous scientist and be credited with some wonderful discovery,” I said, forcing a smile onto my face.

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Oliver cupped my face in his hands, his piercing blue eyes serious. “None of it would mean anything if I didn’t have you.”

Fresh tears appeared in my eyes, but I feared that they had appeared for all the wrong reasons.

“I love you, Jo,” he murmured, “more than anything, I love you.”

“I love you too,” I whispered, a few tears escaping my eyes. But not as much as you love me.

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‘Cause we are broken
What must we do to restore our innocence
And oh, the promise we adored
Give us life again
‘Cause we just wanna be whole

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19 thoughts on “Chapter 5.4: We Are Broken”

  1. Oh Joanne… You’ve managed to get yourself in a bit of a pickle, haven’t you?

    I knew that her sleeping with him only because she was desperate not to lose him was NOT a good idea. I know that I should probably feel slightly sympathetic towards her, and her whole situation… But I’m really not… Could be because it’s early in the morning, and my sympathy hasn’t kicked in yet… She keeps making obviously terrible decisions, and if she’s not careful, she’s going to hurt the people around her. Speaking of…

    I do feel bad for Oliver… Poor guy is head over heels in love with Jo… and yet, she might not even be on the same page as him. As much as she doesn’t want to hurt him, she needs to be honest. If she just goes along with it, she’s going to be miserable, and either lead a miserable life, or end up hurting Oliver even more!

    Wow… Hannah was certainly… Yeah. I wonder what happened that made her seem so bitter. I don’t think either girl handled that situation well… Except when Joanne decided not to say anything and just leave.

    If that Tom dude meant something bad when he said for her to try to get noticed (which I’m assuming he did), I hope Joanne doesn’t take the easy road… That would just make everything worse…

    Great chapter! Can’t wait to see what happens next!

    Ps. I noticed that you called the guy at the gym Tom, but then I noticed this while reading: “A deal,” he said seriously. Craig paused then.

    So I wasn’t sure if that was a typo or not…

    1. No worries about not feeling sympathetic 🙂 Her reason for taking the relationship further was not a good one, and although she feels mostly “OK” with the decision (besides some fleeting second thoughts), the fact of the matter is it was still a bad reason in the first place and now she’s in deeper than she maybe wanted to be. The only thing one might feel sympathetic about is the fact that Jo feels really terrible that her feelings apparently aren’t on the same level as Oliver’s and it’s not like you can force yourself to love someone more, so she feels stuck. That being said, I could understand still not feeling sympathetic because she hasn’t been HONEST about this and she NEEDS to be or else she’s going to hurt Oliver so much more 😦

      Oh Hannah 😛 It should be become a little more clear why she was so bitter, but the reason isn’t too complicated. It is a good thing Joanne left because Hannah could have gotten much worse, haha. She doesn’t think much about consequences in the moment….>.<

      And lastly, AHH! Good catch, thanks so much! I fixed it back to "Tom." His name was originally "Craig" when I was typing up the chapter, but when I got in-game to take pictures, he looked more like a "Tom" to me. Rofl.

      Thanks again! ^_^

  2. Wow what a sad chapter. I can’t help but feel my heart break for Oliver. It was an awesome chapter. I wish Jo would start taking a step back to analyse what she’s doing instead of continuing to fall down the wrong road of wrong decisions. But then again, hind sight is always 20/20 and we don’t learn unless we make mistakes. It wouldn’t be possible to learn from other people’s mistakes all the time.

    1. I also got that sad vibe after I wrote it :/ It’s such a difficult situation all around, when one person loves another more than the other loves them. It’s not that the person who doesn’t love them as much can help it, but at the same time you can’t help but feel your heart break for the other, who is, in this case, Oliver 😦

      Jo definitely does need to step back and think all of this through before she ends up doing any more damage, but unfortunately yes, much of her learning will only happen after she makes some mistakes…..

  3. I have a prediction about why Hannah is being such a biznitch. But I might be wrong, still… As for Oliver, I think he’s destined to be disappointed. And Joanne is going to give Oliver up and regret it for way too long before she figures out her priorities.

      1. Well, Screenshot-46 is what is causing me to make the prediction I am making . Hannah just seems like she’s miffed out of a sort of jealousy. I don’t think it has to do with Joanne’s fame…but that might become a problem later. So, it’s due to Oliver or it’s due to Joanna herself.

  4. I can see where Jo and Oliver are headed and it hurts my heart. I adore Oliver and he adores Jo. They are just miles apart though. Oliver is ‘safe’ and ‘comforting’ and I think, deep down, Jo wants excitement and the adrenaline rush that she gets from performing. She wants the ‘bad boy’. I only hope that once she meets him, he doesn’t chew her up and spit her out. Despite her upbringing and the stuff she’s been through with James, she’s naïve, sweet and vulnerable, and that’s a bad position to be in with the vultures circling. I hope she reaches her goal without losing that innocence and charm.

    As for Hannah, I believe that she’s jealous of Jo. Joanne has this natural charm, talent and inner beauty that shines like a beacon. Of course she has her flaws like everyone, but I think that someone with obvious self-esteem issues like Hannah would attach herself to Jo. I don’t believe that Hannah has a crush on Oliver, but I do think she’s jealous of Jo’s relationship with him. I think she craves that intimacy herself and does everything she can to sabotage other people’s happiness. If she had the slightest inkling that Jo was crying in the shower, she should have said something. A true friend would have.

    When Hannah said that Oliver should marry a library, I immediately thought of Hermione Granger. Those two would be the perfect couple!

    1. Naïve, sweet, and vulnerable–three words that definitely describe Joanne. It is a bad position to be in though with the vultures circling, especially when you add the intense need she has to perform and “make it big.” She wants nothing more than to meet her goals, but at what cost? Hmmmmmm…..

      Hannah is indeed jealous. Her self-esteem has never been all that great and she herself has had short, rocky relationships with everyone around her, especially guys. She is jealous of Jo’s relationship with Oliver, not only because she craves that too, but also because she sees Oliver as a threat–someone who could potentially take Joanne away from her. Joanne has been the only friend that has stood by her over the years, so the last thing she wants is to lose that. However, Hannah is clearly going about it all the wrong way, instead cutting down Joanne and trying to sabotage their happiness as a means of keeping her near (not to mention as a means of making herself feel better–pfft). This, of course, only serves to divide them further….

      I could totally see Hermione and Oliver hitting it off XD However, Oliver’s interests are focused on scientific discovery whereas Hermione’s are much more focused on social justice. Actually, you haven’t gotten to know her yet (you will next chapter), but if they weren’t so far in age Oliver and Joanne’s sister, Gemma, would actually be a wonderful match. You’ll see XD, but yeah, would likely never happen, lol.

      Lastly, YES PARAMORE! I’ve seen them in concert as well! Definitely one of my favorite bands too, so as I’ve been searching for appropriate songs to go along with Joanne’s generation I just had to sift through their works to see if any would fit! ❤

      Thanks as always for reading and commenting!

  5. Aww… I had a feeling that Oliver and Joanne’s relationship was unbalanced, with Oliver liking her a lot more than she likes him. I did feel like her worrying so much about why he was being distant might have been a little obsessive, LOL, and she should have just asked him earlier instead of letting it all build up, causing her to ambush him after class. XD My god, though, what Oliver said is sweet and terrifying. LOL. I know when I was in college, I had no thoughts of marriage or children. My goal in college was to finish so I could finally leave and start my own life. XD I have a feeling that is also Joanne’s goal.

    Even though Joanne is not having the best time at college, I feel like her stuff at The Grotto could be really beneficial for her, which would have never happened if she hadn’t gone. Why is she so paranoid, LOL, after Tom said he worked at The Grotto and saw her perform, I was just like, oh, that makes sense, he would know her name and he would know that she liked to sing, and that she is good at it. I guess I just don’t understand why she was so wierded out after he explained himself.

    Hannah… you know, I don’t entirely hate Hannah, she’s definitely got a mix of a bunch of stuff going on, some of which I don’t like, some of which I semi-understand. On the one hand, I relate to her bluntness, and swearing, LOL, cause I do that as well when I talk, but I don’t have mean intentions when I do it. I have a slight feeling that you wrote Hannah swearing a lot because she did want to be mean to Joanne a little? Correct me if I’m wrong of course, LOL. I got the feeling like Hannah resents Joanne a little bit, maybe she’s so mean to Oliver because she wishes she could find a nice boy like him? On the other hand though, if Hannah had a suspicion it was Joanne crying in the shower, her bringing up the topic in that manner was just downright mean. The part of Hannah I don’t like is how she didn’t try to understand what Joanne was feeling, instead she chose to tell Joanne she was stupid for feeling the way that she did. I don’t know what Joanne will do regarding having Hannah as a friend, but if someone who claimed to be my friend told me I was stupid for feeling a certain way, they would no longer be my friend. Joanne doesn’t need that kind of toxic bullshit in her life. XD

    1. Remember how I hinted that Joanne hadn’t learned from all of her father’s mistakes? This is precisely that in action–the glaring thing that she did not learn was the importance of COMMUNICATION *mega face palm* lol. As you said, she seriously should have asked him earlier instead of allowing herself to obsess over it and then have it build up into this unnecessarily dramatic ambush -__- Oiy.

      That being said, what Oliver said did understandably freak her out a bit. “Sweet and terrifying” is a perfect way to describe his words LOL. Just finishing college so she can start her “real” life is exactly how Joanne feels, so hearing that really threw her off-guard :O

      LOL once again Joanne’s reaction to Tom is a testament to her tendency to blow things out of proportion and, oftentimes, expect the absolute worse. Thus, “guy knowing things about her when she didn’t even know him” equaled “POTENTIAL STALKER GUY” even with his explanation, lmao.

      Hannah is a mixed-bag, which is how I intended her to be. People are rarely all-good or all-bad, so of course Hannah too has a mixture of the two. As for the cursing, I did that mostly to show that she’s blunt, not to show that she’s trying to be mean to Joanne. However, what IS mean-ness toward Joanne is when Hannah makes her feel as if her feelings are stupid, which you also picked up on. Just cursing alone doesn’t equal malicious intent (I’ve got quite a mouth myself, but rarely ever mean it in a cruel way either, LOL), but everything else Hannah is saying? Yeah, not so kind at times, and oftentimes purposefully so too.

      Hannah had a vague suspicion that it might have been her crying, but she didn’t actually know until she spoke to Joanne and noticed that she was clearly “off.” It was at that point that the vague suspicion turned into confirmation. The way she brought it up was her way of “testing” her vague suspicion, but of course like you said it was a mean way to do it! Her reaction also does indeed come from resentment. Hannah wishes she could find someone who is as devoted to her as Oliver is to Joanne. Hence Hannah pointing out that the guy is “head over heels” for her. She says it as if it’s a bad thing (“pathetically head over heels”), but secretly Hannah would love to have that. The other source of the resentment comes again from Hannah feeling like Joanne does have that “holier than thou” mentality, which pisses her off to no end and leads her to take some extreme actions in her “mission to cut her down.” It’s all messed up really and you could certainly understand some of it, but in the end, she’s just not being much of a friend regardless of some of Joanne’s admittedly frustrating attributes, lol.

      LOL that person would no longer be my friend either; no one needs that kind of toxic bullshit in their lives! We’ll see what Joanne ultimately decides to do though 😛

  6. I’ve decided; Hannah is very blunt, I can be blunt as well, however she seems incredibly bitchy when she talks to Jo, who is going through a lot and needs to be comforted… This was such a sad chapter, I feel horrible for Jo. She isn’t losing Oliver, he’s insanely crazy about her, but I feel like she’s rushing into things because she feels that way… He’s got their future planned out and she still isn’t sure what she wants and I’m fairly certain this is going to lead to catastrophe.

    1. Yup! Hannah is very blunt–it’s one of her defining character traits. I can also be blunt, which is where a lot of that comes from, but I took it to the next level when it comes to Hannah–she’s honestly overly blunt, and can at times be straight-up insensitive, especially when she can’t understand where the other person is coming from. Thus, Hannah just sees Joanne as being stupid right now, and she has little patience for that. Not exactly the most helpful….especially because as you said, Joanne could really use a bit of comfort now–she’s sort of spiraling into a panic that yes, could very well lead to catastrophe……

  7. Ahh can’t be mad at Joanne, as a rather paranoid person, I can understand the over reaction >.>
    For a horrible moment there I thought they were going to break up, but you can tell it’s still heading over there ;-;
    Don’t get me wrong, I simply adore Joanne, but damn she seems a little greedy huh? Career and romance wise…

    1. Joanne certainly is quick to thinking the worst when it comes to relationships, or perhaps it’s more accurate to say, she personalizes things too much. So if a person can’t hang out, she automatically thinks that it’s because there’s something wrong with her or the person is mad at her (etc.) and that’s why the person doesn’t want to be around. It’s always a personal affront to her, when 95% of the time it has nothing to do with her. Or, in Oliver’s case, everything to do with her….but actually the opposite of what she feared: He was putting all of his time and energy into his schooling in order to be “the best person he could be” for Joanne and their future….not because he didn’t want to be with her o_o

      Lol, it’s okay not to adore Joanne every now and then too 😉 She is quite self-absorbed–everything seems to be about her…….

  8. “The man would marry a library if it had a vagina!”” I snorted while drinking water and it ended up all over my desk hahah. Hannah is funny when she’s not being argumentative. But clearly something is up, and I feel like Jo should have tried to find it out (though I totally understand why she didn’t feel like it at the time). Anyway, since it’s all already written I’ll assume that’ll get seen to shortly xD
    Okay, I knew this drama with Oliver was coming. I could feel it in my bones. I feel for Jo, relationships are confusing, but the situation could have been solved by communicating earlier. I mean, I understand because I am crap at communicating, BUT it would helped xD

    1. LOL, thank you! Glad I could make you laugh, even if it came at the expense of your desk, lmao. Yes, Hannah has her moments and honestly while growing up she wasn’t quite this combative. It seems like more and more she and Joanne clash, whereas they never really used to before =/ Something is definitely up, and I feel like Jo should have tried to find it out too, but she can in fact be self-absorbed at times, so this isn’t often her first reaction. Not to mention she tries to figure things out on her own and well, that’s not always a good thing either, clearly.

      The importance of communicating I think might be one of the biggest lessons of Generations 4 and 5, lol. In fact, one of the things I’m most looking forward to about Generation 6 is that I’m going to make it a point that the heir/heiress is pretty good at it, LOL. Because in these two generations….jeez. The lack of communication screws them over again and again x__x

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