Chapter 5.19: Whisper

Chapter 5.19 Whisper

A/N: Hello, everyone! Before we begin I have a few quick updates to share: 1.) I made a static Home Page (is this preferable?); 2.) I rewrote my woefully outdated About Page; 3.) I redid my Chapters Page with brand new character cards; 4.) The Family Tree is fully up-to-date; 5.) I added lots of Bonus Photos to my Simblr; and 6.) I answered some “Asks” on my Simblr about Kira, James, and Gabriel, so if you’d like to learn more about them, click the link and it’ll take you to those posts. On that note, if you’d like to know more about anyone else, feel free to send me a request either here or there and I’d be more than happy to write some bonus facts for them too.

Whew! Well, that’s it for the barrage of links and announcements, so let’s get started. The song for this chapter is “Whisper” by A Fine Frenzy.

As always, comments are highly welcomed and greatly appreciated ❤

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Running the race
Like a mouse in a cage—
Getting nowhere, but I’m trying

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Not Pregnant.

The words were displayed in dark, bold lettering that left zero questions as to their meaning. No ambiguous symbols providing an extra second of hope to cling to—only inarguable clarity.

Still, I stared at the simple phrase for far longer than necessary, experiencing a mixture of emotions that swelled up within me and then fell away. The first wave that crested above the surface was the feeling of surprise. Although there admittedly hadn’t been any actual signs, I’d thought that surely, after a honeymoon the likes of that….

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Not Pregnant.

Then again, maybe not. A drop of disappointment fell into my heart, causing ripples to widen and spread throughout my body.

I felt stupid for feeling it. It’d only been six months since I’d stopped taking the pill and even though some couples conceived right away, it was much more likely for it to take up to a year, or even more.

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Not Pregnant.

I walked over to the trash can, tossing the plastic stick inside and then wincing at the dull thump it made upon hitting the bottom. Grabbing some tissues from the small box on the bathroom counter, I crumbled them up and tossed them in too, concealing the test from view.

It had been silly to check.

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* * * * *

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Forging ahead
But I’m stuck in the bed
That I made, so I’m lying

Summer was rapidly giving in to fall. The nights had become colder; so chilly that it began to linger into the days, causing the first acceptant residents of Starlight Shores to don jackets and the occasional beanie. Much less stubborn, the leaves on deciduous trees began to shift into a multicolored array of reds, oranges, and yellows that snapped off their branches with barely a sound and began to cover the browning grass.

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I stared up through the canopy of burnt orange and yellow leaves above me and Gabriel. I could just make out the sky through their gaps—lavender and alit with the pale glow of the sun. It was chilly today, but not as cold as it had been of late. A good day to enjoy the outdoors while we still could. A good day to relax before we embarked on yet another whirlwind trip.

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“For the first time, I’m not excited about going to Bridgeport,” I quietly confided.

We would be gone for an entire month to not only film a music video for our new single, but also to guest star on a well-known late night talk show and perform three sold out concerts. I should have felt excited, I knew, but the feeling had not yet graced me with its presence. Perhaps it would once we were there. Or at least, I hoped that it would.

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“How come?” Gabriel asked.

I absently ran my fingers over my stomach before answering, remembering the second wave of disappointment that had crashed over me this morning when I’d woken up with cramps and discovered that I’d once again started my monthly—once again, not pregnant. I resisted the urge to curl into a ball, instead shrugging and mumbling, “No particular reason.”

A squirrel darted along the branches of the tree we lay underneath, showering leaves upon us. I brushed them away from my face, managing a laugh when Gabriel cursed and rubbed his head where an acorn had fallen and struck him. He scowled up at the twitchy, furry creature.

“I swear it did that on purpose,” he muttered darkly, and then narrowed his eyes at the squirrel as it made a chittering sound and crossed into the branches of an adjoining tree with a rustle. I watched it go until it scurried out of sight.

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But if you keep real close
Yeah, you stay real close
I will reach you

Gabriel turned his head, his beautiful autumn eyes meeting mine in concern. My heart skipped a beat, my cheeks turning a little pink. The squirrel was clearly not enough to distract him from my less than satisfactory response.

“I love you,” I whispered before he could say anything, moving my hand to run my fingers through the soft, chestnut locks of his unkempt hair.

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His expression softened even further. “I love you too.” He looked at me for another moment, seeming to be considering his next words, but then he reached out instead, removing a yellow leaf from my mussed up hair.

“Thanks,” I murmured.

He nodded a little, briefly glancing at the leaf in his hand before his eyes returned to mine, his forehead creased with lines as his brow furrowed once more with uncertainty. “I’m….” He hesitated, and then said, very quietly, “I’m sorry that you’re not pregnant yet.”

I opened my mouth to respond, but found all the words that I might have wanted to say scattered in a haphazard jumble on the surface of my tongue. My skin flushed as I grew steadily more flustered.

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Gabriel sighed, tossing the leaf into the grass and then sitting up. He leaned back on his arm, one leg bent and the other stretched out before him as he gazed ahead at no specific point. He reached up to tousle his hair.

“Look I…I know you don’t want to talk about it. I know that you’d rather go on pretending that this…that this elephant isn’t constantly standing in the room with us, but I’m not like you. I can’t ignore it. Not when it’s staring me right in the face.”

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I’m down to a whisper
In a daydream on a hill

I sat up too, hugging my knees to my chest and avoiding looking at him at all costs. It felt as though my rib cage was pressing in on my lungs. I took in a shaky breath, but still had not regained the ability to speak. What was there to say, after all? Gabriel and I wanted a baby and we’d been trying, but I wasn’t pregnant yet, so we clearly needed to keep trying. There was nothing more to say beyond that and even that felt entirely redundant—like informing a person in a desert that it wasn’t raining.

“I’m sorry,” I heard him whisper again.

I forced myself to look at him. “It’s not your fault.”

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He shrugged his shoulders and then flatly asked, “Isn’t it though?”

No,” I said firmly, and then stood up, beginning to feel frustrated as I impatiently brushed bits of leaves and grass off of my dress. “You know what?” I began a bit more harshly than I’d intended, “You were right: I don’t want to talk about this.”

“We need to talk about it.”

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You need to talk about it!” I corrected with a snap, folding my arms tightly across my chest. “I don’t, so don’t you think it’s a little selfish to force this conversation on me when I obviously don’t want to have it?”

Gabriel looked up at me with complete incredulity, which somehow made me feel even more irritated. “Selfish?” he asked faintly, and then louder, “Selfish? Joanne, I’ve been avoiding this fucking subject for seven months all because you don’t want to talk about it. How the hell is it selfish of me to want to bring it up now? How the hell is it selfish to want to share with my wife what’s been on my mind? Or would you rather we continue tiptoeing like morons across eggshells we fucking threw on the ground ourselves?”

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“You’re really on a metaphor kick, aren’t you?” I asked bitterly, unfolding my arms.

“What the fuck?” Gabriel growled, finally standing up too and balling his hands into fists. “Do you even hear the words that come out of your mouth?”

“Just as clearly as I hear the ones coming out of yours and yours sound like, ‘blah, blah, blah, blah, blah!’

Gabriel raised both of his eyebrows high and then scoffed. “Yeah, I’m not doing this.”

“Doing what?” I retorted with a stomp of my boot.

“Arguing with a goddamn child!

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Shut down to a whisper
Can you hear me…still?

The words were spoken in a fierce hiss, causing my anger to leave me so quickly that its sudden absence had me feeling as though the ground had disappeared beneath my feet. I froze in place, feeling my throat tighten as my eyes began to burn. “I—I didn’t…I just—I just—”

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“Oh don’t fucking pull this bullshit with me, Joanne. Don’t fucking come at me all high and mighty and then start crying the split second you—”

“Don’t talk to me like—”

“Well what choice do I have when I’m talking perfectly fucking normal to you and then you go and—”

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Eager to please
Trying to be what they need

“I’M SCARED, OKAY!?” I shouted over him, hot tears spilling onto my cheeks. “I don’t want to talk about this because I’m scared! I’m scared that—that there’s something wrong with me and I’m trying not to think that because I know it can take couples upwards of a year or more to have a baby, but with every month I’m fucking bleeding again and with every fucking negative test result I get more and more SCARED. God!” I finished, and then just cried, not caring if Gabriel yelled at me again and not caring how ridiculous I sounded.

It was like all the disappointment and fears of the past seven months finally managed to drag me into their depths and all I could do was wait until they tired of me and released their horrible grip.

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But I’m so very tired

For a long expanse of time my husband was silent.

I was too afraid to look at him, so I had no idea what the expression on his face looked like or what he was even doing. All I heard was my own sobs, my body trembling with sudden fear that I’d angered him on some deep level that he would never forgive.

I had been childish. I shouldn’t have reacted like that; shouldn’t have mocked him; shouldn’t have been so awful, so rude. What was wrong with me?

“I’m sorry,” I cried, feeling more frightened than ever as I looked up to see Gabriel pinching the bridge of his nose, his face skyward as if praying for patience. “I’m so sorry….I’m—I’m incredibly stupid. I don’t know why I’m like this. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

My anxiety rose exponentially the longer Gabriel remained silent. I tentatively reached out to touch his side. He stopped pinching his nose, but didn’t pull away, so I wrapped my arms around him, burying my face in his chest as apologies continued to fall from my lips and tears continued to fall from my eyes.

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Slowly, his arms came to wrap around me, pulling me closer as he briefly pressed his lips to the side of my head. The gesture made me cry anew, relief flooding my veins as I tiptoed to wrap my arms around his neck and hid my face in his shoulder.

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“I’m sorry,” I whispered once more.

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“I’m sorry too,” he said, his voice hushed. “And….And I’m also scared. That’s what I was trying to tell you, Joanne. I’m afraid that…that this is all my fault.”

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“I don’t understand,” I admitted, taking a slight step back and trying not to get worked up again. “Why would it be your fault?”

“Because my parents had similar difficulties, remember?” Gabriel asked, raising an eyebrow at me. “Their doctor even informed them that they were unable to have children and it was only by some supreme luck, or…or some fuckin’ miracle or something that I even exist. My grandparents too had always wanted a large family, but they only managed to have my mother, so what if it’s genetic?”

He let go of me, averting his gaze. “Plus Daisy….I mean, if I’m completely frank we weren’t always the most careful even before we’d officially decided to try and she never once got pregnant, so lately it all has me thinking that maybe…maybe there’s something wrong with me.”

“It’s only been seven months,” I mumbled. It was the reminder that I’d consistently been replaying in my mind.

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“Yes, I know,” Gabriel acceded, slipping his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “But it’s like you said—with each passing month I start considering the possibility more and more.”

I averted my gaze, absently rubbing my arm. I really did hate talking about this, but I needed to force myself to do so…for both our sakes. “I’ve…I’ve been thinking that…that maybe it was my fault too,” I admitted.

“I’ve been thinking that it was my fault because I realized that I went on the birth control in the first place after Brandon…after….I just—I mean I got lucky that I hadn’t gotten pregnant from…from that,” I barely managed to utter, my hands shaking, “and…and I was terrified that if it ever happened again, maybe I wouldn’t be as lucky, so I went on the pill. What if it hadn’t been luck though, you know? I keep thinking: What if I hadn’t gotten pregnant because there’s actually something wrong…with me?”

“I know it’s unlikely,” I hastened to add, “but I…but I can’t help wondering.”

Gabriel cleared his throat, looking a little agitated by the mention of Brandon. He kicked at a stick by his sneaker before mumbling, “Right.”

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And I’ve stopped trying to find
Any peace in my mind
Because it tangles the wires

A chilly gust of wind shook the branches of every tree around us, the faded grass rippling. I hunched my shoulders, my gaze still directed at our shoes.

I didn’t want to say what I was about to because I didn’t want to think that anything was actually wrong with either of us, but again I knew I had to, so I took a quick breath and then reluctantly said, “I suppose if we keep being…unsuccessful we’ll go and—go and get this checked out.”

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“Okay,” Gabriel agreed with a slight nod, and then hesitated for only a brief moment before he closed the space between us and gently lifted my gaze to his. “And could we please not return to silence on this subject?” he requested, his gaze imploring. “I can’t stand it.”

I held onto him, blinking back tears as I nodded. “Okay,” I whispered. “Okay.”

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* * * * *

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But if you keep real close

Gabriel always took the most terrifying route possible to get to Bridgeport—straight through the craggy mountains that divided Starlight Shores from the overpopulated city. The rocky pass did cut about two hours off the drive, but sometimes, when the car looked as if it were about to topple off a fifty-foot precipice, I wished that we had taken the longer course.

To distract myself from the oft alarming views, I typically talked the entire trip, but today our conversations felt stilted and eventually they’d simply devolved into silence that Gabriel mercifully filled by hooking up his phone to the car stereo and playing music instead.

His playlists consisted of a lot of alternative and punk rock—primarily Brand New and Rise Against, but there was a scattering of music from other artists as well: Bloc Party, The Cinematics, Friendly Fires, The Editors, and Metric, to name a few. Sometimes it gave me a headache and I’d hook up my phone instead, but other times I enjoyed the angst-ridden chords. Mostly though, I liked that when Gabriel got lost in his own world, he would sing along—absently at first, and then more passionately. His voice remarkably matched the lead singer of Rise Against, though when he sang softly I thought he sounded more like the lead singer of Brand New.

These were the vague musings that ran through my head as Gabriel quietly sang, his attention fixed on the ridiculously planned-out roads before us, though I occasionally felt his gaze flicker my way. The random thoughts were welcome distractions from both the journey and my continued apprehensions.

Jesus Christ, that’s a pretty face–the kind you’d find on someone I could save.

I leaned my head against the cool glass of the window, listening to Gabriel’s lilting tones, until gradually, I fell fast asleep.

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Yeah, you stay real close

When I woke up the mountains had receded into rolling hills of faded green and pine trees, a sign that we were only about a half an hour away.

“Hey,” Gabriel greeted, noting that I was awake.

“Hey,” I said in return, and then rubbed a crick in my neck, wincing slightly as I stretched the tensed muscles.

“You okay?”

“Yes.”

I stared out the window, looking for the first glimpses of the towering skyscrapers defining the city of Bridgeport. Another song had begun to play on the stereo—punctuated guitar sounds steadily growing more melodic, and then Tim McIlrath’s voice sounding unusually soft…and Gabriel’s too as he sang along, slowly and rhythmically tapping on the steering wheel as he drove. “Roadside” by Rise Against—I recognized the song well, so when Emily Schambra’s vocals joined in, I did too, shyly at first because I didn’t want to sound stupid, but then more assuredly as I allowed the music to wash away my worries.

Our voices stepped around each other; took hesitant steps forward and then three steps back; raced ahead; leapt; danced; swirled like drops of colored dye in white paint, separately at first, but then joining together as something wholly new and beautiful.

As the song came to an end, I held out my hand and Gabriel took it, his fingers intertwining with mine and causing warmth to spread from my fingers and into my heart. I smiled at him and he smiled back, and somehow, even though nothing had changed, like crumbled pieces of paper we were carefully unfurled and pressed smooth once again.

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I will reach you

* * * * *

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I’m down to a whisper
In a daydream on a hill

While I’d originally been dreading our extended stay in bustling Bridgeport, it turned out to be a saving grace as our packed schedule served as a particularly effective distraction.

Filming the music video kept Gabriel and I especially busy as we’d be summoned to the studio and other various locations every day at daybreak, sometimes not stopping until the sun had completed its rounds and begun to settle down to rest. As such, the process was exhausting and at times even frustrating, but I had to admit that it was also fun and though the final product had yet to be edited and finalized, from what I saw of it, it was shaping out to be quite beautiful.

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Our interview on Bridgeport Never Sleeps was enjoyable too as we discussed our new single, married life, and how we were in the developing stages of piecing together a second album. The only downside was that the interviewer also asked about the possibility of children, and I admit I’d frozen up a bit before Gabriel came to my rescue, succinctly stating that “When it happens, it happens.” Perhaps it was his unmistakably conclusive tone, or perhaps it was my uncharacteristic silence, but fortunately the interviewer had chosen to move on from there.

Still, I wished the topic hadn’t been broached at all as I could already envision all the nasty rumors the tabloids would explode with once it aired. Not to mention it was painful enough discussing it with Gabriel, let alone on national television.

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As always though, our performances in Bridgeport were by far my favorite part, for it was in those moments that I felt completely free and uninhibited. I could belt out my sorrows, my frustrations, and my joys without any worry as to how they would be received. I could fly and let it all fall away while at the same time experiencing every emotion as keenly as ever.

It was in those moments that I also felt closest to Gabriel; in those moments where I fell ever more deeply in love with him; and in those moments when I could let him know, without a single hesitation to hold me back, exactly how I felt…while he, in turn, did the same for me.

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After those concerts, when we returned to our room in Dante and Sammy’s flat, Gabriel and I would gravitate toward one another seamlessly, our lips meeting in careful kisses that grew steadily more impassioned as we’d answer each other’s silent queries with soft sighs and fevered touches. Then, burning, we’d sink into tangled sheets and surrender ourselves to the other completely.

And always, always I thought to myself: Maybe this time. Maybe this time….

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* * * * *

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Shut down to a whisper
Can you hear me?

“Mmm, I like how that sounds, but maybe bring it down half an octave?”

“Like this?” Gabriel asked, propping his guitar back up and then repeating the opening measures with the variation that I’d requested.

“Yes, just like that. And then I could come in with the piano like—” I hummed out the beginnings of a complementary melody, my fingers moving across the sofa as if it were my keyboard.

“Yeah, I get you. And then: Can’t you hear the words within my words?” he quietly sang.

This veil is sheer, my voice so loud,” I sang back.

Yet I am left alone with secrets.”

“Despite this ache to divulge them.”

We glanced at one another and then I laid my head against his shoulder, pleased with the measures, but also finding my mind gradually shifting focus.

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Can you hear me…still?

“It’s funny,” I began in a mumble, absently tracing the patterns on the surface of Gabriel’s guitar, “I rarely ever thought of having children before, but now that we’re trying and it isn’t happening as soon as I’d believed it would, it’s all that I can think about.”

“What do you think of?”

My face warmed a little. “Um, well, I…I guess I think of…umm…what they might look like? I start wondering whether they’d have your eyes or…or my nose. Mostly though I find myself daydreaming about it. I imagine…holding our baby or…or I don’t know,” I finished abruptly, biting my lip and hating the fact that a lump was already forming in my throat.

“I hope he or she gets your eyes,” he said softly, running his hand along the taut guitar strings beneath his fingertips. “Your eyes are beautiful.”

I felt my cheeks grow steadily rosier. “I…I hope they get your smile. Your smile is like…like the warm sun on your face or…or hot cocoa in the winter!”

Gabriel laughed, shaking his head a little. “I love you so much, Joanne.”

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Warmth blossomed in my chest and I took the guitar from Gabriel’s hands before carefully setting it down by our feet. “I love you too,” I said in return, and then leaned forward to kiss him, feeling my heart leap as soon my lips met the softness of his.

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“Ugh, really guys?” Dante’s voice suddenly came from the direction of the doorway, and I pulled away, blushing hard even though it’d been a perfectly innocent kiss.

“You’re so heartless,” Sammy said, her smile disappearing from her lips. “That was incredibly adorable!”

Dante hastily doubled-back. “Uh…er…well I guess it’s…kind of cute. Glad they’re uh…happy anyway,” he amended awkwardly.

Sammy gave him a funny look and Dante pulled out his phone to check it even though I was fairly certain it had neither rung nor vibrated. The two stayed in this strange limbo, as they often did ever since the wedding, and might have remained trapped within it had Gabriel not loudly cleared his throat.

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“Were you looking for us?” he asked once they both glanced at him questioningly.

“Oh! Yes, we were actually!” Sammy seemed to realize, giving a little hop in place. “I know it’ll extend your stay in Bridgeport by a couple days, but we’ve been invited to the Halloween party Bridgeport Music Group is throwing and of course I had to accept. I’ve decided we’re all going to wear steampunk costumes!”

“Nice—I love having my freedom of choice taken from me,” Gabriel replied pleasantly, and I covered my mouth to suppress a giggle.

“Aw,” she lamented, clasping her hands in front of her. “It’ll be fun, Gaby Baby!”

“The hell?” Gabriel retorted while Dante started cracking up. “I told you never to call me that.”

“Gaby Baby!”

“I like you less now.”

“May I call you Gaby Baby?” I playfully teased, and Gabriel groaned, dropping his head into his hands as if even this joking request had caused him great suffering.

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“I’ll tell you what—come to this party and wear the costume I bought you and not a single one of us will ever call you that again,” Sammy bargained with a smirk, her forest-green eyes sparkling.

Gabriel looked up, raising an eyebrow at her. “I seem to recall you making a similar promise to me back in high school.”

“That one expired. This is the renewal contract.”

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“It might not be so bad,” I chimed in, taking note of the irritated expression on his face; and then added in a murmur so Dante and Sammy couldn’t hear, “We could get our mind off things.”

He glanced at me, his features softening once again, and then he sighed heavily, meeting his friend’s already smiling eyes as he grumbled, “Yes, alright, but I probably would have agreed even if you hadn’t blackmailed me.”

Sammy giggled. “I know—but where would have been the fun in that?”

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* * * * *

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The sound tires on my lips
To fade away into forgetting

“HAPPY HALLOWEEN!”

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The evening of Bridgeport Music Group’s Halloween party was brisk and cloudless, the moon shining high and casting a ghostly, silvery light upon our faces. The air smelled like pumpkin spice and “spooky-themed” music blared from speakers all over the lawn.

While I had expected a fancy get-together in a high-class lounge, it turned out the tastes of Bridgeport Music Group were a lot more casual, or perhaps there were just that many guests invited because instead of hosting it on the 13th floor of some luxury skyscraper, they’d rented out the entire city park, upon which they’d set-up a sprawling dance floor, tin troughs filled with gallons of water and apples, booths with every fall treat imaginable, a haunted house, and even a pumpkin patch. There were also numerous stands where you could order specialty drinks that had fun Halloween names like “Black Cat,” “Devil’s Punch,” “Peaches and Scream,” and “Vampire’s Kiss.”

I debated ordering an adorable, bright orange drink with a pumpkin-topper that was called “Jack O’ Lantern,” but ultimately decided to get a non-alcoholic drink instead called “Shirley’s Tombstone,” just in case. After all, according to the calendar I’d now been keeping, last week should have been ideal for conceiving.

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I’m down to a whisper
In a daydream on a hill

“Aw, this came out so nice!” Sammy gushed, checking out the photo we’d taken. I peered over her shoulder and then laughed at the sight.

“Nice face, love,” I said with a wink in my husband’s direction.

“I don’t know, yours could really give me a run for my money,” Gabriel pointed out.

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I giggled. “You know, I think the steampunk look really suits you.”

“Heh, you think so? I do kind of like this coat….”

“It’s the hat that pulls it all together though…or perhaps it’s your lovely, handsome face that does that.”

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“You do have a lovely face,” Ryan chimed in with mock seriousness, and Gabriel went to punch his arm, causing his friend to let out a yelp and jump back…right into a man dressed up as some sort of bovine-plant hybrid creature.

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“Cake?” the man offered, holding out a plate to him.

“Uhh, no thanks,” Ryan answered, slowly edging away from him while Gabriel doubled-over with mirth, nearly losing his hat in the process.

“Suit yourself,” the strange man responded, and then went up to a woman dressed up like a mermaid and offered her the cake instead. We all watched bemusedly as the woman smiled and gratefully accepted the cake, only then to watch him LUNGE AT HER AND PRETEND TO EAT HER!!!!!!! OH MY GOD—WHAT!? She screamed and ducked while we exchanged wide-eyed looks of pure horror.

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“What the hell is this shit?!” Dante exclaimed, scrambling still more away from the bovine lunatic.

“Good thing I said ‘no,’” Ryan stated, aghast, and then we all looked at one another again and promptly started cracking up, even more so when an older woman dressed up as a mad scientist dashed over to the cow-plant man and smacked him over the head shouting, “Bad experiment!”

“Man I love Halloween,” Sammy sighed, wiping away tears of laughter, and then abruptly shouted, “BOO!” at a blonde dressed as a police officer who’d been not-so-surreptitiously checking her out. The man hurried away, and then we were laughing all over again.

“Dumb bastard,” Dante remarked, puffing himself up a bit, to which Sammy snorted in disbelief.

“Oh come on, how many women have you ogled in exactly the same way?”

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“Nowadays? Only one,” he smoothly replied, and then tipped his hat off to her with a wink.

Her cheeks reddened and she mumbled something about getting another drink before hastily disappearing into the crowd.

“Too strong, man,” Ryan said as soon as she was far enough not to overhear.

“About as subtle as a gunshot,” Gabriel added solemnly, placing his hand over his heart.

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Shut down to a whisper

“Ugh, damn it,” Dante groaned, rubbing his temples. “I swear, guys—she’s so confusing! One minute she’s all ‘you look so cute I could kiss you,’ and the next she runs away from me! What the fuck’s a guy to do?”

“Masturbate?” Ryan suggested, which caused me to start choking on nothing, coughing until my eyes watered. Gabriel scowled and elbowed his friend in the side, gesturing at me pointedly. “Ow—sorry, Jo. Didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it. I’m fine,” I squeaked, wiping my eyes, and then looked skyward, pretending to be completely engrossed by the sight of the moon. It was so bright tonight.

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Gabriel placed his hand on the small of my back. “Look, just don’t rush it,” he advised, and then noting the look of increasing despair on Dante’s face added, “I’m sure she’ll come around.”

“Yes, she will!” I chirped, nodding in affirmation. “I mean she’s only hesitating because she doesn’t want to get her heart broken. She doesn’t want to take a risk on you until she’s sure that you’re no longer an immature man whore.”

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Gabriel, Ryan, and Dante all quirked their eyebrows at me simultaneously, which suddenly had me desperately wanting to accept cake from a dubiously sane gentlemen wearing a cow-plant suit.

“Uhh, well, I mean—not that—I mean—well of course she didn’t say that it’s uh, it’s only a guess? Yes, a guess! It’s my guess. She never actually said that. My words entirely. Obviously.”

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“…..I’m going to go staple this hat to my face.”

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“What? No!” Ryan exclaimed, grabbing Dante’s shoulder, for he’d begun to walk off presumably in search of office supplies. “This is a good thing. She wants to give you a chance, so as long as you continue to show her that you’ve matured and that you’re only interested in her, you’re in!”

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“In what?” Sammy asked amiably, having returned with a glowing green drink in her hand that was subtly smoking.

Dante grinned wolfishly, his silver-gold eyes glinting in the moonlight. “Well hopefully—” he began, and then was promptly cut off by both Gabriel and Ryan descending upon him and tackling him to the ground, hats and goggles flying into the air.

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So much for showing maturity.

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* * * * *

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Can you hear me?

After eating candy apples, journeying through the haunted house (Dante screamed bloody murder when a “corpse” jumped out at him and latched onto Sammy, which she apparently found so endearing that she totally forgot about the incident from earlier), lots more glowing and bubbling drinks, and dancing to silly Halloween-themed songs like “Monster Mash,” our group split up for a bit.

Sammy and Dante went to go have a talk under the pretext of checking out the pumpkin patch, and Ryan excused himself to call his girlfriend, Shanta, who had unfortunately been unable to join us because she’d been feeling sick as of late.

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As for Gabriel and I, we decided to keep dancing, which was pretty amusing on my end because Gabriel may have had a drink or two too many and was therefore prone to stumbling and then giggling about it afterward. Yes…giggling.

It also made him even less concerned about public displays of affection than usual, which meant that soon enough, we weren’t so much dancing as making out on the dance floor and I eventually pulled him behind the stacks of hay piled up on the side of the haunted house, fire licking up my spine as I hungrily sought as much contact with him as I possibly could. Perhaps it was the luminous full moon, or perhaps it was because Gabriel looked so damn sexy in his Halloween costume, but I found myself wanting him more than ever.

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Can you hear me?

He, apparently, was having a similar reaction because it was barely a second after this thought crossed my mind that he breathed into my ear, “I want to fuck you so badly.”

The phrase had me feeling as though lightning had jolted my every nerve and I looked up at him in surprise. Gabriel backtracked, appearing embarrassed as he made to apologize, but I silenced him with a kiss, placing my hands on the sides of his face and tiptoeing to crush my lips even harder to his.

“Let’s head out,” I whispered, and then kissed him once more before I grabbed him by his coat and disappeared into the night, knowing somehow that we would not be missed.

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* * * * *

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I’m down to a whisper

I fell to my knees, the hard tile digging into them as I lost the entirety of my breakfast to the toilet. It was the third time I’d thrown up this week, and as I shakily stood up and went to the sink, I couldn’t help but feel that three instances spread out over an extended period of time did not sound like a stomach bug or food poisoning.

Still, as I rinsed out my mouth and reached for my toothbrush, I tried not to think about it too much, unwilling to get my hopes up. After nearly a year now of trying and failing, I couldn’t let a couple bouts of nausea tip the scales in favor of giddy hopefulness—not when I was sure that the weight of disappointment if I was mistaken would crush me flat.

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Would crush us both flat, I mentally corrected, as I saw clearer than ever that Gabriel was continuing to blame himself for our difficulties, and that hurt even more than the fact that I still wasn’t pregnant. The fact that Ryan’s girlfriend was now expecting despite their having taken precautions otherwise seemed only to further strengthen this belief. We’d been discussing making an appointment with the doctor soon, but….

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I spat out the toothpaste, rinsing my mouth out and then my toothbrush before replacing it in its holder and examining my reflection. My face was pale, my eyes overly bright. He’d know right away that something was wrong.

I took in a steadying breath, running my fingers through my hair and then pinching the apples of my cheeks so that color rose to their surface. If I couldn’t quell the hope that was already illuminated within my chest, perhaps I could at least prevent it from igniting in my husband’s before I felt more certain about this.

* * * * *

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My plan to keep Gabriel in the dark did not last long; for after dinner not three days later, when I’d been feeling nauseous the majority of the evening, my stomach betrayed me again. I’d barely managed to reach the bathroom before I was wrenching open the toilet seat and puking up everything I’d just eaten.

When I’d been sure that my stomach couldn’t possibly eject anything else I stood up, flushing the contents away and trying not to let the sight of partly-digested pasta sicken me even further.

For a split second I thought that maybe Gabriel hadn’t come to see why I’d suddenly bolted from the table, but this hope was dashed as soon as I turned to brush my teeth and found him standing in the doorway, looking apprehensive.

Damn.

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“Are you alright?”

“Threw up,” I mumbled in answer, and then turned to the sink, avoiding his eyes as I cupped my hands underneath the cool running water and brought it to my lips. My body was trembling, but I wasn’t sure if it was because of nerves, or because I’d just violently retched.

When I finished rinsing out my mouth and then brushing my teeth, I turned to face Gabriel, who’d been patiently waiting, or perhaps simply making sure that I was okay. “I’ve um—been sick on and off for…for a little over a week now,” I confessed in a small voice. I felt like I was treading on the thinnest of ice and even one false move could send me plunging into frigid waters.

“Oh. Do you—do you think you might be—” He stopped, pressing his lips together, but my mind had already completed the question for him.

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In a daydream on a hill

“I’m not sure,” I replied honestly, folding my arms across my still uneasy stomach. “My period was…a bit funny last month. Like—a lot shorter and lighter, but I didn’t think anything of it because it can fluctuate or whatever, but…but now…I guess I’m thinking a bit more of it.”

I managed a tentative smile. He smiled a little too and then reached up to absently tousle his hair.

“I’m supposed to get it next week,” I continued, “so if I—if I miss I’ll um, I’ll take a test. This could be a weird stomach bug. Possibly.”

“Possibly,” Gabriel echoed. Our eyes met and then, not knowing who took the first step, we moved forward and hugged each other tightly.

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Hope, once kindled, is not easily subdued.

* * * * *

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I missed—or at the very least, I was late, but a few days late turned into a week late, and then once I was officially two weeks late I picked up a pregnancy test while purchasing a few items at the local store, hoping that this time it would bring good news.

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“How long do we wait?” Gabriel asked, glancing at the plastic stick lying innocently on the bathroom counter.

“Two minutes.”

“An eternity,” he grumbled, and I laughed a little, shaking my head.

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“I’ll set a timer so we don’t jump the gun,” I said, and then took my phone out of my pocket, raising the volume on it all the way and setting it for two minutes exactly. I tapped “Start” and then let it lie on the counter too, my heart racing with unbridled anticipation. Gabriel’s hand grazed mine and then grasped it tightly.

“If it’s negative, we schedule an appointment with the doctor—no more hesitating, okay?” he asked, his tone final.

“Okay,” I agreed with a slight wince. “And if it’s positive?”

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“Then thank God,” he answered quietly, and then moved to kiss my forehead, causing my eyes to fall shut.

“Either way, I love you more than anything, Gabriel.”

“And either way I love you…more than anything.”

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I lifted my head to brush his lips with mine and then tiptoed to kiss him more fully, wrapping one arm around his neck while I held onto his arm with the other. He kissed me back, pulling me close, and for that brief expanse of time I could feel myself relax.

More than anything and no matter what.

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The alarm went off and we both tensed, my fingers digging into his triceps and his grip on my waist tight. I buried my face in his chest, resisting the urge to panic. Already I could feel my palms growing sweaty; adrenaline rocketing through my arteries like missiles.

“On three then?” Gabriel asked, his voice calm despite how I knew he must be feeling.

“Yes,” I whispered, and then carefully loosened my grip, taking a step back and turning to face the bathroom counter. “One….”

“Two.”

“Three,” I breathed, and we both stepped forward to look down at the display.

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Shut down to a whisper….

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Can you hear me?

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Can you hear me…still?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

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27 thoughts on “Chapter 5.19: Whisper”

  1. A cliff hanger!! Nooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Omg that is brutal Lisa! Just brutal lol.

    I had no idea the steam punk costumes were for a Halloween party! That is such an awesome idea and they all looked great. Just as good as the pictures you posted on fb!

    I don’t typically check out home pages to be honest, just because I always use the reader to jump to the chapter but I will check it out and the pages you updated. No spoilers on the family tree right? Like a possible or possibly not baby. Ug! Its so hard to take. I hope they are able to get pregnant. I’ve seen friends and family be so worried about the time it is taking them to conceive so I could relate to the apprehension they’re both feeling. I was the go-to for a lot of talks. Makes me glad I’m a good listener.

    I love Ryan. He is way too witty and his remarks get me every time lol. Yay for Sammy and Dante. They make an adorable couple. Now we need to find someone for Ryan.

    1. Hahaha you know, I didn’t even intend it to be a cliff-hanger since I figured, “Okay, says not pregnant…end of chapter,” but of course there needs to be a Generation 6 soooo now I see how it was one, lol. Plus not knowing what’s going on.

      Yes! The steampunk costumes were for a Halloween party! As soon as I dressed them up though I liked how they came out so much that I held an impromptu photoshoot, which is how the pictures on FB and Tumblr came to be xD Thank you ^_^;

      I never check out home pages either to be honest since I always use the reader too, but I worried about my main page taking too long to load on some people’s computers since my posts are long and it would load like, 5 of them at once, so I made one. Not sure if it matters either way though.

      The Family Tree only shows exactly what you know to be true in the most recent chapter, so as of right now, it shows no children for Joanne and Gabriel and it will stay like that until it happens in the story. That way there aren’t any spoilers 🙂

      It is hard to take 😦 You hear of seemingly so many people who get pregnant right away, or get pregnant when they didn’t even intend to, and then there’s some who really want a baby and actively try, and yet may take up to a year or more to have one. Joanne and Gabriel seem to be the latter camp…unless there really is something wrong and I’m about to throw everyone for a crazy loop 😉 Hehehe.

      LOL I love Ryan too, which is why I continue to make sure he’s in the story. Gabriel needs his best friend around!

      Haha yes “Yay!” AND “About time!” for Sammy and Dante xD Ryan does have someone though =O Shanta McCloud from the wedding and, I realize it was only a quick note or two, but she’s pregnant!!!! That’s why Joanne says that the fact that Ryan’s girlfriend was expecting despite taking preventative measures further solidified Gabriel’s belief that there may be something wrong with him. Ryan and Shanta’s situation will be mentioned in more detail next chapter 🙂 It really was completely unplanned…sometimes StoryProgression throws you for a serious loop o_o; Now we just have to hope that their kids will be able to have playdates someday…..

      Thank you as always for reading and commenting! You rock so much!!! ❤

      1. So, she’s not pregnant. It was a negative test? Or you’re not going to say. I guess there are a million things in game that could make her get sick. But the crazy late period really make me think that she was for sure.

        I forgot about Shanta from the wedding. Crazy that her and Ryan are going to have a baby, but they are going to be beautiful I bet.

        1. Well, the test was negative, but whether it was a false negative, or whether there’s actually something else going on, is where the unintended, but totally apparent to me now, cliff-hanger lies 😛

          It is crazy! Like I said, StoryProgression threw me for a loop. Now normally I can ignore what SP does for the most part in the story (it’s done some really crazy things that would never make sense!), but in this case it was a little harder to ignore. I actually was going to at first, but then I was like you know what, this could actually work, so I went with it ^_^ I bet the baby will definitely be beautiful. I’m actually really excited to see him or her!

  2. Hi! I think this is my first time commenting! So hello! I love this legacy SO MUCH! I got caught up a few weeks ago, I basically binge-read the entire thing in a few days but I figured I’d wait until the next post to comment.

    All the heirs in this legacy are so wonderful, I love every single one of their stories! Plus, Joanna is gorgeous and Gabriel is so handsome and I’m hoping so much that Joanna is pregnant! I can’t wait to see what their kids are like!

    Sammy and Dante are so cute too. So many cute couples! I can’t wait to read the next chapter! Amazing job with this chapter!

    1. Hi Meg and welcome to Different Winters! *waves happily* ( ^_^)/

      Your comment made me grin so big my bf asked what happened, lol XD. Thank you so very much–seriously. It genuinely makes me happy to hear that you love this blog and all my heirs. Each of them have been their own unique joy to write. I’m impressed that you got through all of them so fast!

      And yes, hehe, Joanne is so cute and I spend far too much time staring at Gabriel in game, LOL. They’re both such lovely sims and I can’t wait to see what their kids are like either. Of course, I can’t say yet when exactly that’ll be…but it has to happen eventually, right? 😉

      Glad you’re a fan of Sammy and Dante too. They’re such a fun little side story to add in there and it makes me happy to have the Freezer Bunny crew all together 🙂

      Again, thank you so much for your kind words, your readership, and for taking the time to comment. I truly appreciate it and hope you’ll continue to enjoy this blog. Welcome again! ❤

  3. I love the photo of the heirs on the homepage. I don’t normally check out homepages but I checked it out anyway!
    The steampunk outfits were great, Jo looked so cute in pigtails.
    Oh and the cliffhanger. I hope Jo is pregnant, if not I hope it all works out and they have lots of adorable babies! 😀

    1. Thanks! It’s the first picture I’ve ever snapped of all 5 heirs together, which was actually really exciting for me XD Hahaha. I suppose it’ll be even more exciting when I get to add a 6th 😉

      I had so much fun with the steampunk outfits. I used to hate having to change their clothes, but after learning about the “Collapse” option that came with MasterController and getting a new computer, the process doesn’t suck nearly as much and now I actually enjoy it, lol. Jo is such a cutie…I couldn’t resist not putting her in pigtails XD Glad you liked how they came out!

      Hehe, yes well, we shall see 😉

      Thanks for reading and commenting!

  4. Hey! Sorry it’s taken me such a long time to catch up on this! Gosh so exciting!!!
    And I’m guessing that from the expression on Gabriel’s face that the screen said ‘not pregnant’
    This is just so sad, as well as being something that I’m really scared of too! It must be so soul destroying, constantly getting your hopes up only to get them crushed 😦
    I really hope they can have a baby soon, and it won’t take too long! Their baby would just be too beautiful!!!!

    I really loved the Halloween pictures, the costumes and everything was so well done, and actually the first scene when they’re lying under the tree, the way you laid that out and the colours just looked so beautiful! You really are an artist when it comes to your photos, just stunning! *bows humbly*
    Oh and I LOVED her cute panties! Seriously they are just too cute!!! The blue and while spotty ones XD Kinda jealous because I want them! LOL

    Oh and I do have one question; is Gabriel taller than Jo? I noticed in the pose under the tree (the one where he’s kissing her head) that he looks much taller, it looks so lovely, like protective wings closing in around her! I really love the poses that you’ve used, they’re all so different and yet so true to the characters, you’ve got some beautiful ones for Gabe and Jo, I’ve just been sitting in bed going ‘Naaaaaaaaw, look at that…naaaaaw that’s just too sweet….’ I always love reading your chapters XD

    Can’t wait to find out about baby! You won’t leave me hanging too long *bats eyelids* will you??

    1. Oh it’s no problem at all! I only posted this about two days ago, so I didn’t think it took you long to read it ^_^

      Your guess is correct. I tried to convey through the photos and the song lyrics what the results said, but I realized afterward that relying on solely these components made it seem somewhat ambiguous. I considered going back and editing it, but in the end I decided not to because either way things will become clear right at the start of the next chapter. It is really sad and something that I’m afraid of too, so that made it easier trying to envision how they might be feeling now. Let’s definitely hope it won’t be too much longer….I want them to have a baby almost as much as they do! I’m inordinately excited to see what their children will look like and am actually surprised I haven’t gone and looked ahead already XD Though I have been tempted at times :X

      Thank you so much! *blush* I really love colorful scenes I’ve realized, so I often look for excuses to send them outdoors or try to use a mix of bright colors inside. It’s a wonder I haven’t messed around with “berry sweet” sims XD An artist?! Aww, you’re too sweet! I feel the same way about your photos. I fail even at navigating simple knock-offs of Photoshop, LOL. I have to rely mostly on what the game gives me and maybe a bit of fiddling with contrast and brightness, haha.

      LOL, I LOVE HER PANTIES TOO. I saw them on a few people’s Tumblrs and I loved them so much I messaged like three random strangers asking where I could find them and one of them luckily responded. I suppose that’s embarrassingly too much effort for a pair of sim panties though LOL–I regret nothing! I also want them in real life XD Though if you’d like them in the game too, they can be found here: https://mega.co.nz/#F!1V1SlIaQ!0Kj7rDDBrymItIVW1YShXg –it’s the “Frilly Panties” one, hahaha.

      As for your question, Gabriel is definitely taller than Joanne in the story, but I don’t have height mods in my game, so I try to show this by using poses that stretch the skeleton to make him look as tall as he’s supposed to be, or by using “clever” photo-taking angles or OMSP. I don’t always bother though, so sometimes Gabriel looks like taller, and sometimes he doesn’t XD Ah well, lol. I’m glad that you enjoy them though 🙂 I admit I do as well and end up taking FAR more photos than I need just because I think they look so sweet together, haha–especially the ones where, like you said, they make Gabriel look all protective because those are the truest to his character ❤ Thank youuuuuu.

      Haha, well, I'll certainly try my best, but so far no matter how much I push it looks like I'm getting out one update a month o_O It's not the worst pace in the world, so I won't beat myself up for that too much, but I do wish it were faster. On that note, I'll certainly aim for faster, but at worst case it'll be about a month 😛 Darn me for not being able to write quicker! =O

      Thank you as always for reading and commenting!! ❤ ❤ You rock my socks =D

  5. CLIFF HANGER! You cruel, heartless woman! (not really ;))

    I don’t think I’ve ever read a sim blog where the heir has trouble conceiving. It’s interesting for sure. And sad, and also close to home. This chapter was very well written (again!) and considering how long and well thought out your chapters are, I wouldn’t worry about the pace at all.

    The autumn scenes were so nice, with them lying on the ground like that. Very pretty. They are such a handsome couple!

    “She doesn’t want to take a risk on you until she’s sure that you’re no longer an immature man whore.” – Joanne, telling it like it tiiiiiis. LOL! She looked so adorable blurting that out too.

    The Halloween party looked fantastic. Of course there should be smoke on the Spooky Day dance floor! And “Monster Mash”. 🙂 There’s something wrong with the music setting on my speakers, so they never play the music I set them to play. The dive bars play classical music and the spring festival speakers play rockabilly, it’s a mess.

    1. LOL that’s me 😉 Although, I can’t guarantee that readers won’t think that a little later o_O

      Hmmm after you said that I thought for a long moment to see if I’ve read a sim blog where the heir has trouble conceiving and I did think of one, but the situations are different. That’s interesting in general considering that as much as we try to be unique and original, some things are always bound to repeat in sim stories. Maybe it’s not common because 1.) Most simmers like their sims to have lots of kids, and 2.) Because of the “legacy-style” aspect of most stories, you know that in the end they DO have to have an heir, so it takes a bit of the unknown out of the picture. It’s a very real and upsetting issue that many people (including yourself) have struggled with though, so I didn’t want to avoid it here. Plus, it’s admittedly a fear that’s in the back of my mind because by the time my mom was in her 30s she couldn’t have any more children, so I always wonder now whether I’m on some sort of time crunch (╯•﹏•╰)

      Thank you ❤ I really appreciate that. I admittedly feel bad sometimes about how long it takes me to get these updates out, so it's good to know that my readers are understanding. I suppose I could get them out faster if I didn't edit/rewrite/edit so much, but then I wouldn't be as proud of the end result I think, so on with the time-consuming process, lol.

      I admittedly liked the autumn scene too. Even though it was an unhappy moment I was filming, I couldn't help but be like "Ooooh autumn is so pretty in the sims!" hahaha. Plus, Joanne and Gabriel are both completely lovely ❤ Makes me excited for the heir that they do eventually have to have 😉

      LOL yes. It was actually something Sammy confided in her, so she shouldn't have blurted it out like that, but in the end even though it upset Dante I think it opened his eyes to the situation too. Thus, when he and Sammy went to the pumpkin patch to have a much needed talk, for the first time he was completely serious and sincere and well….you saw in the photo how Sammy took to that ❤

      Hehe yes!!! I actually went in and edited stuff to make it more to my liking, so of course I HAD to add fog effects on the dance floor. Plus the Bridgeport autumn festival was in hot pink and black. Hot pink? What the ever living-FDJFKSD. So I went through and changed the hot pink to orange. And OMG my speakers are messed up too! What was actually playing was classical music. I had to manually put in the stereo and change it to "Dark Wave." Though, it was pretty funny seeing a robot and cowplant sim dancing their hearts out to Mozart. Reminded me of this Vine: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qVySY_pwhMI LOLOLOL.

      Thanks as always for reading and commenting! o(^▽^)o

  6. So mean to leave us hanging!

    Every image in this update is beautiful…but what I liked the best was the Halloween scenes. I loved those Steampunk costumes! That whole exchange was fun to read, too. It was like they let go of all of the stresses and such. Maybe that’s when they conceived.

    Anyway, another lovely chapter. I am going to miss these two. Their story is so compelling and real. I am, however, very interested in what children between these two will be like.

    1. All will be sorted out soon enough 😉

      Thank you! I’m glad that you enjoyed the Halloween scenes ^_^ I had so much fun creating their steampunk costumes that I even held an impromptu photoshoot for them, lol. I’m so glad that you liked the exchanges between them too as I often worry about whether scenes like that feel authentic or not. They did indeed let go of their stresses that night….Good observation 😉

      Aw, I’m definitely going to miss these two as well. It seems like no matter what, the end of a generation is always bittersweet. I get so attached to these pixelated people that it actually does feel like they’re “real” sometimes. Makes me even happier to hear that their story feels real to others as well 🙂

      Hehe, I have lots of ideas bouncing about when it comes to what a child between these two will be like, but ultimately I’ll have to see them in-game and start writing out their story to figure it all out. Although I’ll miss Joanne and Gabriel to pieces, I am very excited for what’s to come!

      Thank you again and thank you as always for reading and commenting (o^^o)♪

  7. Argh! All this time of playing catch-up, on the edge of my seat, and THIS is what I’m left hanging with! Argh! You…you…you are EVIL! I guess on the positive side, since I’m all caught up I can go back to writing my own blogs…which have NOT been neglected! At all! Nope! >.>

    1. Aw, lol, well hopefully the next chapter will be out soon, so you won’t have to wait too long 😉

      Hahaha, I do the same thing when I get sucked into a blog! Everything else just falls to the wayside XD

      Thank you so much for all your comments and for reading! I’m so happy to have you as a reader! ❤

  8. Awww, their fight in the beginning, LOL. I think that is mighty adorable Joanne and Gabriel want children so much, but the poor dears need to stop putting blame on themselves. I mean, yes, it’s possible one of them could be having problems in that department, but the way to deal with it is to go and see that doctor who’s meant for these sorts of problems. Playing the woe is me game and being assholes to each other is not going to bring that child around any sooner. LOL. That being said, I’m glad they made up and didn’t let the fight or the silence go on for too much longer. I’ve heard stress can also make it harder for a woman to conceive. I also have this thought, which is probably original to just me, haha, but I don’t know, it’s like, why in such a rush to be fat, sick, and tired? LOL. Don’t get me wrong, like I know there’s that whole glow of pregnancy thing which is beautiful and all of that stuff, but there’s also the discomfort and incredible tiredness that come along with it. Also, I think sex is quite fun, so getting to do more of it… not the worst thing in the world hahaha, I also feel like sex can be had without it needing to always be about the babies. That’s just my feelings though, LOL, I do feel for Joanne and Gabriel since they want kids so much, and I love how you wrote the first part of the chapter. I kind of wanted to slap the interviewer for asking them about children, LOL, like first of all, kind of way personal… and like don’t just assume that because a couple is married, that they need to have kids, assface. LOL.

    Ugh nicknames… ROFL. Don’t worry, Gabriel, I’d never fucking call you “Gaby.” Wtf… and then add Baby on to that? Jesus… I have a sore spot for nicknames, because I’ve been in his position, where it’s like ‘don’t fucking call me that’ and the friend is like ‘oh but why it’s so fun’ and all I want to do is pound my friend into the ground. LOL. It’s not cute and it’s not fucking funny. Ugh. Anyway. ROFL. Good job for writing that part so well, clearly I related to it. ❤ I love their costumes! Steampunk is so fucking awesome. I love it. That was a great theme to go with. LMAO the cowplant dude. Too silly.

    Ahh no, constant vomiting. Haha, IDK what to think of the last picture other than Joanne is crying super happy tears of joy that the test was positive, or she's crying because she's not pregnant and is now violently throwing up because she's got a deathly illness. LOLL.

    1. They do indeed need to stop putting the blame on themselves T_T Joanne has always had a tendency to worry though, while Gabriel has the tendency to believe strongly that, “Anything that can go wrong, will” and that life seems to “have it out for him.” Thus, it would just go to figure that because this is something he wants, it would end up that he’s unable to have it.

      Of course like you said, playing the “Woe is me” game and snapping at one another won’t resolve anything–they need to see a doctor if they actually have serious concerns that something might be amiss. Plus, you’re so right: Stress does make it harder to conceive! 😉 Luckily they did resolve things.

      Hahahaha!! So true, so true! Do remember though that Joanne has a bit of an impulsive streak….So once she got the idea of having a baby in her mind, she sort of well, wanted it right now! lol. That’s made the continuous negative tests even more stressful for her. Plus it doesn’t help that her family has had a history of being pretty darn fertile, so now she’s wondering why it’s so difficult for her. And, again owing to her impulsive side, she’s not even thinking about the actual pregnancy, but rather the end result! Of course, yeah, there’s a lot discomfort before you get to that point! In the meantime, they should just enjoy all that sex, shouldn’t they? LOL. It has a dual purpose really: It’s fun AND it relieves stress. Hey now! Hehehe.

      Bahaha, Gabriel in particular would have appreciated you slapping the interviewer; Joanne might be a little shocked by your actions, but secretly pleased XD I based that off some of the interviews I’ve seen or read when they ask such personal, presumptuous questions. The media is so freaking nosy!! Plus they say the worst things sometimes. I think that would definitely be the worst part of being famous. I would go insane if everyone was constantly in my business!! That’s why back when Britney Spears like, attacked a paparazzi with an umbrella or something I was like “*shrugs* Sounds reasonable.” LOL.

      I HATE NICKNAMES TOO, lol, which is actually where I drew inspiration for that exchange, lmao. Plus, I actually noticed that a lot of people in the comments called Gabriel “Gaby” or “Gabe,” which is fine, but it always made me kind of laugh because there is a REASON why I never ever shorten Gabriel’s name: He also HATES being called nicknames XD Fine if someone else has one (Joanne obviously doesn’t mind being called “Jo” at all), but don’t you dare call him one…at least to his face XD Although I will say, he usually does say Joanne’s full-name 😛

      Thank you!!! I had SO much fun designing their costumes: Steampunk is fucking amazing! To fuel my inspiration I did a lot of Google searches and listened to a lot of Steam Powered Giraffe. Have you ever heard them before? THEY ARE A FREAKING STEAMPUNK BAND. THEY ARE SO COOL! Plus I like their quirky sound, hahaha. I had so much fun with it all that I even did all these photoshoots on Tumblr….They were some of the first things I posted XD Ummm, yup, here we are: http://lilyshadowwriter.tumblr.com/tagged/steampunk ^_^

      Bahaha yes, the cowplant guy: I couldn’t resist…That costume is so ridiculous! Plus I like inserting little reminders now and then that this is still the sims 😉

      As for that last photo, well, the key is the look on Gabriel’s face……

      Thank you so much for reading and commenting!! ❤

    1. Lol, I’ve noticed people have the tendency to focus in on Joanne’s crying, but not Gabriel’s facial expression XD That’s where your answer really lies.

      And aw, yay! It actually wasn’t what I had originally planned, but I’m glad I did now because they’re a fun couple to have =)

  9. I love how you write the couple so well. It’s just so realistic. That they argue and make up and their hopes and fears and, ugh, seriously, amazing.
    I’m happy we’re seeing more of Gabriel’s friends. Especially Ryan. I love that doof. Now I’m going to reread Capri because I’ll understand it better, and tomorrow I have the specials earmarked. If I keep reading tonight I might fall asleep at work xD

    1. Gah, I seriously can’t thank you enough for all your wonderful comments, so thank you! One of my main goals while writing is trying to make my characters feel as real as they are to me in my head, so to hear you say such nice things makes me really happy, lol.

      I’m definitely trying to incorporate Gabriel’s friends more because I love them too, especially Ryan as well, so you’ll certainly see more of him! ^_^

      Haha, alrighty, hope your day at work goes/went smoothly!

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